age of london bridge

Omg, i have a midterm due in five hours. I havenapos;t studied at all. And i canapos;t seem to find the motivation to just do it already. I got a case of the fuckits and itapos;s only october. IN MY FIRST SEMESTER BACK. Ohhhh boy. (but itapos;s for stats, which is a pathetic loser class that i really donapos;t care about. So yeah i really donapos;t care).

i have the worst migraine ever today. And i never get headaches, let alone migraines. So iapos;m a little concerned. But i think iapos;ll be ok. (unless i die of a stroke or something).

the past two nights iapos;ve taken care of a dying patient. And i loved him. He was dying of terminal metastatic lung cancer and decided to not be intubated but to die in peace. His family was lovely. He was lovely. I really liked him and taking care of him. He could barely breathe but still wanted to know if obama did ok in the debate (couldnapos;t hear it over the oxygen blowing into his face). He was still cracking jokes. All of his sons were lovely and very loving to their dad. At work last night, they finally decided to withdraw. By the time i got there he was comatose and agonally breathing but comfortable. I thought he might live the night. His wife went home to take a shower and then came back around midnight, so i went in to talk to her to see how she was doing. And as she was talking to me, i noticed how mottled her husband was getting. Then i noticed that he really wasnapos;t breathing all that often. Then i heard the alarms outside the room at the monitors. I think he was waiting for his sons to go home for the night and for his wife to come back to die. Because his heart rate went from 90 to 0 in less than 10 minutes.

i told his wife that he had passed and it killed me because she was talking to me instead of to him when he died. She moaned "ohhhhhhh" and went over and collapsed on him on the bed, giving him a long hug. I left the room, almost crying myself.

i think the worst part was she had stopped by the cafeteria on her way up to the ICU to get a quick cup of chicken noodle soup. (the woman was so skinny and had barely been eating). And after the paperwork was done and she had spent the time she needed with her husband alone in the room after he died, she came out to give me a hug. And then as i said good-bye, i noticed her walking down the hall with the cup of soup in her hands. Still hot. Oh my god. So so so so sad. But heapos;s at peace and she will be one day.

alright, enough procrastinating. Time for mortal combat with stats. Omg, i hate stats.

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