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Yes I was finally told by my friend that I need a MAJOR�UPDATE.. And I�agree.. :D

Hereapos;s what has been going on.. I just had a major exam last few weeks that I didnapos;t crazy study for.. Bad I�know but wat can I say I just didnapos;t want to study... I had a paper due... Again... And more paper due throughout the semester and I need someone to proof them.. Cuz apparently My Grammar SUX.. Yes it really does unfortunately :(..

I also go on rotations soo much fun.. Sometimes. But last week was blast..�i was in the satellite pharmacy I got to go on surgical rounds... That was soo much fun.. The interesting cases.. And theory and just piecing togethere pieces of puzzle was like OMG.. Yes yes.. I talk like a valley girl� oo f*#K U too..� so ya..� besides that..�I am on to the acute care of my rotation list.. So i get to go on round every friday.. OOO�GOODY.. Also I have to get up at Freakin 5�AM to be at the hospital at 8 AM.. Soo much fun let me tell you.
On top of that.. The week test have begun along with midterms.. Physical assessment...� making Calamine Lotion.. *biggest pain in the ass ever*.. Anyone who has ever EVER�made it know.. Its a bitch... And I�am not lying.. My god.. Looked liked I�just got out of a paintball war.. I was cursing and yelling the whole time.. And was not happy.. When i told my pharmacist about it.. She was like I�hate it.. I hate it.. And NOW�I agree with her.. What els..�I also got to make IVapos;s at the hospital.... And other goodies..
now I am stuck doing homework on reading freaking EKGapos;s.. Thats a pain..� and "counseling" patient on freaking medication even though they are DOCTORS.. U know what a pain that is..� I�have paperapos;s coming up the wazoo.. And my aunt feels the need to set me up.. WHY�O�WHY�DOES�THIS�HAPPEN?.. Iapos;ll tell you why cuz life sux.. Nothing is good.. And I�canapos;t wait to kick the ass of the asshole i am being set up with.. Kinda.. Lol

what else.. I am also semi sick.. Good a beautiful leather jacket soo worth it.. And have to interview 5 ppl on arthritis.. Found out a person with alcohol level of 3.2 killer.. And procratinating tilll shit hits the fan..

Half of the semester is over and i�canapos;t believe it.. Soon it will be thx giving.. And than.. Than it will finals.. And winter break.. Boo ya..

I�can take blood pressure, do CPR, Trained of First AID and i can kick your ass 50 mil diff ways.. DONapos;t you just love me..� its cold as hell here near the shore and the my apt. They ahvenapos;t turned on the heater.. And I�am cold..

I got a new iPOD..�TOUCH.. Ooo *yeah the dirt minds can laugh now*.. As for the smarter people.. It is one of the greatest thinkg i may have every seen.. Soo cool and I�love it.. Rocking with music, playing games, wifi, email, and soo much more..

i should be doing homework but to lazy.. Waht else is new.. Its the weekend give me a freaking break will ya. :D

well thats it for now toodles..

p.s. Iapos;ll post in a month or two.. Most likely around thxgiving and after finals..

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Okay i was just at the bar having a beer with my sister and some stupid cunt called her ugly???? wtf kind of world are we living in, peepz? uuuugh. It was a dumb drama but it made me want to slap a bitch.

BUT i just had the following funny exchange with jason:

he clicked on a tv channel that was showing a movie about coco chanel, called- creatively: "coco chanel." and he was like "coco channel? what?" and i was like "what, you donapos;t know who coco chanel is?" and he was like "no, what- like the fabric?"

THE FUNNY HERE, IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE WAY THE WORD "CHANNEL" SOUNDS AND THE WAY THE WORD "CHANEL" SOUNDS, AND ALSO THE FACT THAT MY HUSBAND MISTOOK THE WORD "CHANEL" FOR "CHENILLE"


in other news, barack obama is a muslin.

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Omg, i have a midterm due in five hours. I havenapos;t studied at all. And i canapos;t seem to find the motivation to just do it already. I got a case of the fuckits and itapos;s only october. IN MY FIRST SEMESTER BACK. Ohhhh boy. (but itapos;s for stats, which is a pathetic loser class that i really donapos;t care about. So yeah i really donapos;t care).

i have the worst migraine ever today. And i never get headaches, let alone migraines. So iapos;m a little concerned. But i think iapos;ll be ok. (unless i die of a stroke or something).

the past two nights iapos;ve taken care of a dying patient. And i loved him. He was dying of terminal metastatic lung cancer and decided to not be intubated but to die in peace. His family was lovely. He was lovely. I really liked him and taking care of him. He could barely breathe but still wanted to know if obama did ok in the debate (couldnapos;t hear it over the oxygen blowing into his face). He was still cracking jokes. All of his sons were lovely and very loving to their dad. At work last night, they finally decided to withdraw. By the time i got there he was comatose and agonally breathing but comfortable. I thought he might live the night. His wife went home to take a shower and then came back around midnight, so i went in to talk to her to see how she was doing. And as she was talking to me, i noticed how mottled her husband was getting. Then i noticed that he really wasnapos;t breathing all that often. Then i heard the alarms outside the room at the monitors. I think he was waiting for his sons to go home for the night and for his wife to come back to die. Because his heart rate went from 90 to 0 in less than 10 minutes.

i told his wife that he had passed and it killed me because she was talking to me instead of to him when he died. She moaned "ohhhhhhh" and went over and collapsed on him on the bed, giving him a long hug. I left the room, almost crying myself.

i think the worst part was she had stopped by the cafeteria on her way up to the ICU to get a quick cup of chicken noodle soup. (the woman was so skinny and had barely been eating). And after the paperwork was done and she had spent the time she needed with her husband alone in the room after he died, she came out to give me a hug. And then as i said good-bye, i noticed her walking down the hall with the cup of soup in her hands. Still hot. Oh my god. So so so so sad. But heapos;s at peace and she will be one day.

alright, enough procrastinating. Time for mortal combat with stats. Omg, i hate stats.

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Hello
i� cooked delicious fried rice for myself today. Iapos;m on a quest to improve my wifely instincts.because iapos;ve been inspired by the many potential mothering people around me and decided i want to be like them.

iapos;m starting to think that coming on an exchange is actually healthy for myself. Iapos;m learning alot. Far more than i would be if i was stuck in pressure cooker s g.. Not just the studying part, but to be away from all the negativity of my home and mum..

here, i focus so much on survival n these days, travelling plans, studies (well not really) and friendship. I hvn been thinking abt sad sad past.

well anyway, what can i say?
alot has happened in recent times and iapos;m going for a one week trip to m a dr id and pa ris next week. Itapos;s an oc to ber break...

i honestly think iapos;m learning alot about myself. Discovering. I wonder how far i can improve.
because i really want to. And i really want to love n be loved. I want to find a boy friend. I mean DUH. But here, u are so free-because u happily neglect your studies-that u can think abt what to cook for dinner and when you can find a good boyfriend.

y f has found herself suddenly in the role of a girlfriend and having had her first kiss stolen. She totally skipped the whole dating and wooing part. So all this happened in the span of one week since the pi sa trip that sheapos;s kind of pissed.

h is her boyfriend n the way he confessed to her appalled all of us.

ah wells.

what else is new?

ohh i have been told twice by two different guys the same thing at different times apos;miss youapos; and apos;youapos;re the bestapos; and ok.. Under the same scenario, it all happened after i put in quite alot to teach them with homework.

the guy here recently called me asking if he could get my help again, like meet him to study. I couldnapos;t say no and he said i could go to his place which isnapos;t in a mster dam but 20 minutes away n he would go to train station to pick me up n he also offered to pay for the train ticket. But BEING�ME, i declined his offer la.

i also duno why. I duno if iapos;m being made used or not. I dun tink so.

however, i always feel that guys are only nice to me because they want something from me. Because iapos;m unable to express affection n appeal in the normal feminine motherly or nurturing way. U know the typical way a girl is supposed to attract a guy.

hence the only way i can do it is unromantically, helpfully, practically. Almost paternistically. I wonder if this is the cause of the fate where i find a guy who is not gd enough, whom i feel like iapos;m giving more in the relationship than him. Because he relies on me in such a way.

oh god. I dun wan that you know. But i can suddenly see links between my behaviour and the not so near future that was forecasted.

why am i like that? so unaffectionate? so afraid to be loved by guys and to show my love for them?

i need to change n stop feeling uncomfortable with guys. I should open up........ I know.

oh yeah and during the pi sa trip, 2nd night, the 3 of us slept in the same bed with y f in the middle. I duno if h was drunk as he kept wanting to talk about himself n his family, even as we wanted to sleep. N he asked me abt myself. Y f had slept already. So i told him what i hadnapos;t been telling people in a year. The stuff abt my father etc.

he decided to talk abt his family secret as well. N u know, he is quite a delicate person. So he ended up crying. And telling me to forget everything. How awkward was the atmosphere man.

okies i forgot to mention what he said to me before y f fell asleep. He told me that i didnapos;t know how to attract boys. And i needed to in order to find a good husband and good boyfriend. And in order to do that, i had to change my character, be kinder, less self centred. (perhaps iapos;m not v nice to guys. Though i can dare say i am not self centred n unkind towards girls)

after that, h asked me if i was ok.

obviously i wasnapos;t. Haha, but iapos;m over it now.

-
though i guess that will be on my mind for some time. What can be worse than a guy telling you that you canapos;t attract boys???

-
then today k talked to me. The past few times i talked to him he didnapos;t reply.
n he didnapos;t wish me happy bday.

anyway i had jus cooked my tasty dinner so i got really happy to share my achievements and sent him my proud pictures.

after that i ended up telling him abt y f and her horrible first kiss+ confession. I wanted to see what a guy thought. Hmm he didnapos;t offer what i� think is v useful guyapos;s perspective on that matter hahha.

then after that he asked me what abt me? did i have anyone who was interested in me too? i was like nooo haha.
then i said i still hadnapos;t finished with my story on y f n h. (oh yeah if u want the scoop, email me and iapos;ll email u the conversation on the story because i canapos;t keep telling everyone the same thing. V tiring. Heh)

anyway, i was also chatting with y f on another window. So i copied bits n pieces of my convo with him to her window, so it could shed some light on why h behaved the way he did.. But of course, since k dindapos;t say anything vvv useful, she ended up saying he was v cute. Cos the discussion k n i had led to k telling me abt his fren who didnapos;t like being kissed by her bf and being v violent, would most prob beat her bf up if he kissed her.

hmms, then after that he asked me if i found anyone i liked here. I forgot abt spa nish hottie but y f reminded me. So i told k abt spa nish hottie, apos;very tall. Very handsome.apos;

k said, apos; goafter himapos;
i told him i dun like him. Jus tink he is goodlooking but sp anish hottie is an actor. And iapos;m his fan.

k said why?

ok, besides lacking the courage, a less embarrassing reason to cover up my inadequacy in attracting boys and the obvious lack of feminine charm was to push the blame to the guy. So i said, apos;he is a playboyapos;

then k laughed n said then what type of guys do i like. He would help me look out in s g.

........

by then, h c called so i was half talking to her, half talking to y f n complaining to her abt what k said, n talking to k. I was multi tasking n being v bad at it.

h c suggested i list out all the things he had done for me. Y f suggested me sayin apos;no one, youapos;re the best. apos; and pretend it was a joke.

BUT AS YOU KNOW, I CANapos;T CANapos;T CANapos;T do that.

so i said, apos;not playboyapos;

like what a lame ans. H c said apos;vagueapos;

k said, apos;thatapos;s all?apos;

so i reluctantly said apos;caringapos;

i tink i was starting to hide again as usual. So i added sweet, affectionate

i duno why i couldnapos;t have elaborated more..or at least be more frank abt what ireally like in a guy.

perhaps i wanted to be taken seriously.

he said, apos;like korean guy?apos;

anyway the conversation led to an abrupt end. First with me deciding again to open up and so typing one large chunk of words.

n then his reply was apos;ok i am tired already. Going to slpapos;

n he just went offline.


-
so how?
u tell me.

i should just give up right.

i canapos;t find any guy who was nicer to me than he was. And that is why, i keep thinking he is the best. Which obviously leads to me still holding on to something that has long been gone (i think).

-

but i really feel. If anything. I only want to be with him n like him n get to know him better. Thatapos;s all. Perhaps currently, in the face of so many love confidance amongst all of us gals, n being so free to do anything, i have been putting much thought n feelings into wanting to find someone more than before.

i know how it is like in sin ga po re. Busy. No time to think. Honestly, do we have to wait till we are 30 to work on our charm? and attracting boys? isnapos;t it too late? shouldnt we start now? when half the world has already gone through it?

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Will having a "global" culture make for a better world?

Mike was saying today that cultures are a hindrence and unnecessary as people place too much importance on them. Language barriers and different words and phrases from cultures only make things more difficult to understand. In most cases, learning about new cultures seems like an arbitrary notion b/c itapos;s not really doing anything to advance our efforts to make the world a better place.

I say that culture is extremely important in making decisions. I dont think that elimination culture would necessarily be a good thing just b/c world leaders, etc arenapos;t always governed by their individual cultures and most of the time, they are just fucking nuts. That really has nothing to do with their cultures. However, cultures define and set up the foundational basis for who people are and how they shape the world that people view. I wouldnapos;t want to live in a world where we have one universal language b/c since culture influences so many things such as food, language, clothing, etc whatapos;s to stop us from being to aliens in old movies that all wear the same fucking silver jumpsuit?

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Hey I may be looking at a server transfer. I have a lvl 70 holy priest, geared in Hyjal, SSC, ZA, etc. +2300 heals before the new system which I donapos;t understand yet. I also have a lvl 70 mage, arcane, geared in blues, Kara, and pvp.

Does anyone have a guild / server they would recommend?

I like raiding, but I get burned out if itapos;s too many days a week and if people are stressed about it. I like guilds that are mature and respectful.
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